Time means more than money; and money can't buy time.

Time means more than money; and money can't buy  time.        

                                      By Reggie Smith

Rockets, moon shots, Spend it on the have nots

Money, we make it, Fore we see it you take it

Oh, make you wanna holler, The way they do my life

Make me wanna holler, The way they do my life

Inflation no chance, To increase finance

Bills pile up sky high, Send that boy off to die; Bad breaks, set backs, Natural fact is

I can't pay my taxes; Oh, make me wanna holler, And throw up both my hands

Trigger happy policing, Panic is spreading

God know where we're heading

Oh, make me wanna holler, They don't understand;  This ain't livin', This ain't livin', No, no baby, this ain't livin'.

                       Marvin Gaye

Have you ever been faced with your own mortality? When I was at the end of active addiction to heroin, I thought I wanted to die and wanted time to stop. When I was diagnosed with AIDS, I thought I was going to die and didn't want time to end.  In either case, life was being measured in time.  There have been many moments in my life where I would like to have had the power to stop, rewind, or fast forward time, but I never have figured out how to do that.  When I thought I was facing imminent death, the best I could do is to take my watch off and stop being manipulated by my perception of time.  Every moment we spend here on this plane of existence is truly an opportunity to resolve the questions that life has for each of us.  The blessing of my life is that my “reality” has motivated me to understand more fully what time is, and how I could best use what time is allotted to me.

 

In my opinion, time is a way to mark and measure our human existence.  Time, like pictures, can be useful to look to the past at how our lives and humanity has evolved.  The more time you see, the faster it seems to go. Life is an experiment.  We do not have all the answers, but we make “educated” guesses based on the outcomes of similar experiences we have had or observed.  We often try to predict the future the same way; by guessing what will happen based on what has already happened in past similar situations.  Mostly, our future is predicated on the assumption that we will be here and alive to be a part of it.  As we see on a daily basis all over the world, life often ends abruptly in more ways than we can imagine.  From being bombed by a drone, shot by a deranged sniper, hit by a drunk driver, poisoned by a power hungry dictator, or simply waking up dead from starvation; there are an infinite number of ways for our life clocks to stop.  That is not morbid; it is a fact of life.  So what are we going to do while we are here?

 

In one of my favorite books, “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle, I got a better grasp on the way I am sometimes distracted by my own mind and ego away from the purpose of life.  My mind and ego continually conspire to keep me locked in the past or the future.  The confusion that the past and future creates does not allow me to fully participate in this now moment.  It is in this now moment that my past and future are created.  Everything that is created in this material world begins with a thought.  My mind may think whatever it wants, but I have the ability to change or filter those thoughts into the actions that will manifest whatever I focus on.  Furthermore, like when we pray together or visualize and act together as a group, we have the ability to create an outcome that supersedes probability.  We see that happen all the time in sporting events when fans seemingly will their underdog teams to victory.  So, why do so many spend so much of our most valuable commodity, time, in the pursuit of money? 

 

Money can’t buy you time.  Recent reports show that income inequality in the United States is at perilously high levels.  Major media is corporate driven, and will not work against it’s own self-interest, so we can't count on them to start or support a movement for change.  Money is energy, and it should be used for the improvement of the lives of those of us here on the planet.  Instead, there are a few with more than they could ever need or use, and many, many more with barely enough to get by.  So, in order to maintain life, the masses are spending too much valuable time trying to get money.  Medications, food, fuel…everything cost money!  Now is the time to change the way business is done.  We live in strange times where greed trumps what is good for the planet and the people. I’m not rich, and I have nothing against those who are, but I am focused on using my time to change the flow of energy.  We must come together to change our priorities.  That would be a great way to use our time, right?  Yesterday is history and tomorrow is a mystery.  NOW is the time to RISE!

When in Rome, speak with the Romans.

I had a great experience while at the United States Conference on AIDS in New Orleans.  I have been participating in the conferences for the past few years of this annual gathering.  This year I went with a minimum of expectations and/or questions.  The focus this year was on how the HIV epidemic is disproportionately affecting the Southeast, and understanding the effects of the so called “treatment cascade” – a study of how people access and maintain treatment for HIV.  With the access to care being a major issue, and the Affordable Healthcare Act changing the lives of many, I hoped to get a sense of how to help make sure more people get the information necessary to make this transition.   My role in the arena of HIV has evolved over the past 25 years from clandestine observer, to an active advocate.  Now, I feel like a grandfather wanting to make sure that I share my experiences and act as a vessel for love and information.  Wisdom has taught me not to burn myself out at these conferences, and to trust that the people and information I attract are exactly what I need.  Most times that means having the faith to follow spirit, not the crowd, believing you are where you are supposed to be.  The magical adventure I had this trip to New Orleans proved, once again, that the universe is perfect.



This year, I had more freedom to move around because our RISE team of bloggers included Dr. Luther A Virgil, Jr. and A’Lexius Culpepper.  They covered much of the technical information from their unique perspectives as a medical provider and case manager respectively.  We are ecstatic to say that you will see their contributions here in RISE regularly as content contributors!  There was a lot of great information shared inside the seminars and symposiums, but how could we come to N'awlins and not go talk to the people?  So our bell captain, Antoine, asked our driver and guide, New Orleans native David Bell, to take producer/videographer, Richard Shabazz and I, to find out how the HIV community has been affected by the trauma of Hurricane Katrina.  Following the theme of the conference, we were interested to see who was (and were not) getting and staying in treatment for HIV.  We were advised not to venture out into the “dangerous community”, but this USCA conference was focused on the south, so we wondered about the real people in the city the committee chose to host it.   After all, the data about HIV doesn't pertain to you if you are not in treatment, and the numbers can never tell the whole story.  As “Project Runway” winner and conference presenter, Mondo, so aptly put it; “if you are not counted, you don’t count”.  There is a great deal of data that has been gathered about who is in treatment, but it is impossible to know much about who is not in treatment.  Despite any and all data, the number that matters most is ONE, and that one is you.  In New Orleans, due to the ongoing catastrophic trauma caused by the floods, it is even harder to know who needs care.  Watch this video {below} of an innerview with residents of the 9^th ward, in the shadows of the levies, to see what we found.

First, we talked to T. J. Rogers, an administrator at NO AIDS PROJECT, the largest AIDS service organization in New Orleans.  He gave us some wonderful background about how his city is still dealing with the effects of Katrina.  There are many life issues, like food and housing that take priority to HIV.  The people of New Orleans, eight years ago, had the unique experience of being totally displaced due to the floods. Many of the people who lived here and were in treatment were exiled to other cities and have never returned and are now impossible to track.  

I know that most of the people visiting here for the conference from other cities took the opportunity and time to imbibe the food and culture of the city.  I, too, was swept up by the wonderful energy the city displayed surrounding the N.O. Saints NFL football rivalry with the Atlanta Falcons.  Actually, visiting sports stadiums and arenas in different cities is on my bucket list, so putting another check in that column was big fun and very healing for me.  As a vegetarian, I fell in love with the delicious food I was blessed with while here as well.  New Orleans is a unique city, with a distinct culture.  I am very happy that we took the time to get out into the community.  I found the people are very friendly and hospitable, but underneath there is anger, bitterness, and a feeling of betrayal about how they have been systematically pillaged by bureaucracy.  The New Orleans culture is not replaceable, so those displaced experienced trauma, but so have those who are still here in a still broken system. 

Meanwhile, back at the conference, I began to look at what demographic or culture of people is under represented at the conference, and may mirror some of the same issues as the people of New Orleans.  I realized that heterosexual men, especially heterosexual men of color are never a part of any meaningful conversation about HIV.  The infamous “down low” phenomena was the Hurricane Katrina for our particular demographic, because it sent straight men into self imposed exile, and they have yet to recover.  I could count on one hand, the number of hetero men I ran into that were here for the conference.  We will have to change that dramatically if our families are going to thrive, and thrive we must.  The data collected about how many people are in treatment, called the “treatment cascade”, cannot accurately measure those not in treatment.  The Affordable Care Act has the potential to make healthcare available to millions more people, but not if you are hiding and afraid to access it, or being too intimidated to demand it.  I, and others, am committed to making sure heterosexual men are more fully represented.  I pray that you are as well.   

Mental health issues, homophobia, “heterophobia” and stress have created an atmosphere that has fostered the behaviors and attitudes that help perpetuate HIV disease.  We need to be careful about being too insulated when we get together at these conferences to share gratitude, knowledge and information.  Some Republican lead states continue to make a concerted effort to kill “the least of these” by making healthcare inaccessible, and that is unacceptable.  We need think outside the box when it comes to finding ways to heal our communities and ourselves so that the waterfalls of the treatment cascade blesses us all.  We can change the energy, but we need you to be willing to fight through the fear in order to make it happen. Don't go chasing waterfalls.  It is time to RISE.

Free your mind, and your ass will follow.

In preparation for this years United States Conference on AIDS, I met and spoke at length with some very special people who were hampered by fear about not being able to meet their perceived needs for treating their diagnosed HIV.  America has cut funding, people have outlasted the usefulness of some medications, and stigma causes some into lies or self-imposed emotional exile.  It seems that once again, the synchronicity of life has attracted a few persons and situations to me who were vessels for the information my soul longs to have answered.   Ultimately, I was being confronted with the same question Neo had to answer when Morpheus presented it - would I take the red pill or the blue pill.   Being a human diagnosed with HIV myself, like so many others, I have had to decide whether to remain lost in the distraction and illusion of the Matrix, or seek to know myself beyond the construct of the system of control? 

Being a seeker of truth, I have found that I am not the HIV or HEP C virus that I am told that I host, I am much more than that.  To be consumed by the diagnosis is debilatating.  Many of my brothers and sister soldiers, including other HIV advocates, case managers, scientist and medical professionals, have bought into the misconceptions or outright lie perpetuated by the system.  The illusions of hopelessness and dependency are cultivated in us from our birth, and the strategy of their perpetuation is built on a history of proven methods for maintaining mind control.  Capitalism, politics, media and religion often feed the fears that keep the masses in check, and HIV has been a prime example of how millions, no, billions of people have been operating on that information dictated by the Matrix.  We are at a time of enlightenment, though, and the "truth" has been activated, and we are moving towards critical mass.

For instance, there was a time not long ago, when the concept of a cure for HIV was rarely thought, and considered heresy to utter.  Our consciousness has evolved and we can now envision that reality.  The AIDS "denialists" and "conspiracy theorist" have had their dissent basically muted by the media's word "smiths".   The artistic world of movies (see C.A. Montague's review of Tyler Perry's "Temptation" in TheBody.com) and song still sometimes portray the HIV experience with stigma, prejudice, and ignorance; yet, thankfully, the human spirit continues to evolve.  Not everyone will be freed from the bondage of self, but strength, hope and experience are fueling our ride on the Nebuchadnezzar.  The images and music that is used to give important information is one way to free minds from bondage.  We shall be free.

The master/slave relationship between the mind and spirit has got to continue its momentum towards spirit if we are to be free. In order for that to happen, we will have to see beyond mind and matter.  At present, and for all recorded history,  "mind" appears to have been in control.  I meet many who are diagnosed with, and consciously affected by HIV that are afraid of death. Fear of physical death, or fear of its cousin; suffering, is the power source of the Matrix.   I have literally watched people scare or worry themselves to death. Ironically, no one is gonna get out of here alive.  It is said that we have to die (or be willing to die) mentally; or still the mind, in order to climb Jacob's ladder to the light of the spirit within.  I do not claim to have escaped the Matrix, but I have seen the light.  As brother Martin said..."I may not get there with you; but I want you to know (tonight)...that we as a people will get to the promise land."  So I am blessed to go to this years US Conference on AIDS. I will go to represent those who support me from higher realms, as well as those who are seeking enlightenment and freedom.  I pray to be a vessel of light for those seeking it, and a source of courage to those souls destined to be free.  After all, it's time to resurrect inspirational spiritual experiences; or it's time to RISE!

Sometime you must leave home; in order to become king.

Fifty years ago, in 1963, I had an experience that made an indelible mark on my psyche.  At the tender age of six, you might think that the most impressionable thing in my life might have been the beginning of elementary school at P.S. 45 Queens, but for me it was any event that I had the opportunity to share with my now deceased father.  I am fuzzy about the events surrounding my dad taking me to the March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom in 1963, so much so that it wasn't until this week, when I found myself standing in what I know and have always envisioned as the very same place I stood in '63.  Then in 1963, it was to be inspired by Dr. Martin Luther King to think of myself as more than Black, but as a human being that is worthy of giving and receiving love, and the dignity of freedom.  Going back this week to "commemorate" that great day was, on its surface, a way to represent the indignation of my family, community, ancestors, and I; that 50 years later we are still fighting the same battles for Jobs and Freedom.  On a deeper level, I emotionally celebrate the cherished memory of sharing one of the most historically important days the world has known with the man I loved and who brought me into this world; my father, Leroy L. Smith.

How could I possibly have known what would happen in our lives and in the world?  Dr. King and my dad have been gone a long time.  I have healed from the drug addiction that my father tried to help me solve until his dying day.  I have been diagnosed with, and damn near died from, and now live more fruitfully with AIDS.  Still, with four children and six grandchildren, fifty years later here in America we are still fighting for jobs, justice, healthcare and freedom.  I am happy that the pain we are experiencing is motivation for so many to raise the energy of love on the planet, even for a moment.  It takes a moment to start the momentum.  I'm glad to be alive and present for both of the marches.  There are not many that can say the same, not the least of these being Dr. King and my dad.

When I stood on the same spot that I shared with my father half a century ago, this time listening to the impassioned speeches of Martin L. King III and Rev. Al Sharpton, I realized the energy of that day in '63 could never be reproduced.  Their words rang true, but they, nor anyone, could match the eloquence and soaring oratory of Dr. King.  Even at the age of 6, I remember being impressed by Dr. King's mastery of the English language. He seemed to be our energetic spiritual bridge to the next dimension.  The gateway of pure light he channeled for us that day in 1963, in the particular shade of love that we (over 250 thousand) people received it; seems un-reproducible.  How could I possibly appreciate the magnitude of the moment?  What I was able to experience again (to my surprise) was the love and hope of my father, and his desire for a better life for my sister and I.  I also had an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for the lives of those two men, (and many others) who gave their lives in order to better the lives of their children.

No one really knew at the time how prolific a speech, or a day that would turn out to be in 1963.  Dr. King had to die in order to garner sainthood. He had already been a "King" among men.  I did not know how special a father and son experience it was then, but I do now.  My dad had to leave this land in order to be king too.  Sometimes those closest to you do not appreciate you until you are gone, or until those outside your circle do. 

Who really knows what the tangible results of this years March on Washington will be.  When I was asked by MSNBC's news anchor, Craig Melvyn in an on air interview, if I had been to both marches in 1963 and 2013, all I could think about was what I could say in what I knew would be 15 seconds or less, that could help change the world for my children and grandchildren.  I wanted to hopefully add to what has to continue to become a critical mass of energy needed to shift the paradigm again, like it did in '63.  I'm so tired of fighting this battle, so I pray to be a channel for change.  It is hard to express 50 years of frustration in fifteen seconds, but I believe if we could all touch just one or two with the passion of our purpose, oppression will take another standing eight count like it did fifty years ago.  I will do what Rev. Joseph Lowery exhorted us to do; "commemorate and instigate" so my grandchildren will not have to still fight for jobs, freedom and dignity - 5, 15 or even 50 years from now.  It is time to DO SOMETHING with the motivation of this fierce urgency of now. 

If nobody moves, everybody gets hurt.

Just because I am procrastinating doesn’t mean the situations in my life stop progressing.  One of the most powerful things I have learned as a result of going through the torrential storms of addiction is that life is a one-day at a time proposition.  I learned that addictions are a disease that is set off by exposure to whatever allergic substance or behavior one is addicted to.  In my case it was nicotine, heroin and cocaine; but at the root, I was addicted to the fear of success, and to the search for love.  The drugs helped me stay stuck in a feedback loop that grew in intensity no matter what I did.  It was not until I was able to break the cycle of obsession and compulsion, and get into a program of positive action, was I able to begin living this wonderful life for the past 28 years.  Even though I am not living in active addiction to drugs, the disease is still silently progressing in the background of my psyche, like King Kong doing push ups in jail.  As long as I am in action patrolling “King Kong’s “cell to keep him imprisoned, I can keep that monkey off my back.  If I stop moving too long, or make the wrong move (like using again), everybody is going to get hurt.

 

As usual, in my life the microcosm reflects the macrocosm.  I mean, when I look at my life like it’s a movie I’m starring in, I observe the twists and turns in the plot.  I see that the story is sometimes a comedy, sometimes a drama, tragedy, or thriller, but it is always an adventure.  There is always a conversation going on in my head between my ego (mind) and my spirit (God).  It seems like the same is happening in the world.  There appears to be a battle between the good and evil.  It is happening locally, nationally, and all around the world, and it has been going on since the beginning of time.  In America, evil is manifesting as voter suppression, denial of women’s reproductive rights, and the perpetuation of poverty; disproportionate incarceration of minorities, and so many other obviously unfair practices.  The political obstinacy that supports the devaluation of the human existence is behaving like King Kong unchained, and we have to find a way to get it back in the cage.

 

The good thing is that pain is often the greatest motivation for action and change.  When we get sick and tired of being sick and tired, we are most liable to take the action steps necessary to change.  Racism and classism are like addictions.  Those outwardly ugly behaviors have been generally suppressed and “in recovery” for some time, but the election of President Obama has reignited the radical behavior of the insurgents (Conservatives).  They are a minority, but their irrational actions are affecting the energy of the country and the world.  In the balance of things, there is more good than evil in this world.  Like addictive behavior, evil does not stop, even after it has been contained.  Evil just continues to grow while waiting for its release.  It does as much destruction as possible until it is subdued.  It is easier to stay free than it is to get free.  We should be vigilant personally and socially, and willing to do whatever necessary to keep the monkey in its cage and off of our backs. 

 

We thought we had done all the marching necessary to realize the dream of equality for all, but obviously not.  Sometimes it seems that marches are not enough, and in Syria, Egypt and so many other places in the world, that is tragically true.  In Texas, North Carolina, Wisconsin, Michigan and so many states in America, King Kong is loose and wreaking havoc.  HIV services for my brothers and sisters are being cut by virtue of inaction.  As a result, everybody, except the greedy, are being hurt.  On a personal level, I will take the positive action necessary to stay clean, on a social level, I am going to Washington D.C. on August 24^th for the 50^th anniversary of the March for Jobs and Freedom.  Evil (King Kong) never dies, it just multiplies; but love heals all.  So, I have to be vigilant in an effort to put that insurgent ape back in its cage before it destroys everything.  I hope to see you there.

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed person rules.

There are a few things that I have learned as a result of having survived drug addiction, AIDS hospice, the verge of death, and parenthood.  I’ve learned that good and bad are relative to the time, place, and perspective I might be in.  What I mean is, what may seem “bad” today or yesterday may prove to be “good” in a future time and place (or vice versa).  Many of those learned experiences have taken on a different flavor based on what my attitude has been.  The feelings I experienced while going through those situations in my life were both very high, and very low, but I have learned to develop an attitude of gratitude about them, and try to pass on those wisdoms learned.  My attitude is that sharing those experiences is our opportunity to be of service to humankind.

Recently, I have had the opportunity to test whether or not a positive outlook, and a meditative look within, could actually prove to be a healing force in the physical world.  I have been challenged by a condition diagnosed as extreme dry eyes since October of last year.  It has mainly plagued my left eye, causing me to have sand-like grit covering my cornea, causing irritation and making it very hard to focus in that eye.  It has affected my quality of life, and ability to work and play, so it would be easy to be frustrated (and I have been at times).  My experience, though, is that everything happens for a reason, so I have been forced to look inwards – figuratively and literally.  As a result, meditation, or a third-eye focus, is what “life” is forcing me to do.  Doing so has helped my frustration about my eyes, helped me to improve my attitude, and seemingly put me in a better position for healing.

Developing an “attitude of gratitude”, or what we will consider to be a positive attitude, has been a process.  It has obviously, in retrospect, been one of my life lessons to do so.  That epiphany is based on the pain that motivated my decision to try practicing a positive outlook how life was treating me.  Earlier in my life, even before my trials and tribulations, I thought I was a positive person, but it seemed like every time I tried to do the right thing, two bad things would happen to me.  I found it easy to blame life and others for my troubles, but nothing truly changed until I took responsibility for the part I was playing in my circumstance.  There is evidence that using affirmations has a positive effect on healing.  Many people, myself included, can attest to the fact that how we filter our minds thoughts affects our physical and emotional wellness.  Our attitudes are one of the things we can actually control.

In spiritual texts like the bible it says; “The light of the body is the (third) eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.”  I have noticed that the endocrine system mirrors the chakra system, and the third eye is the pineal gland.  I am told that the toxic parts of medications, like the one’s most of take, as well as processed foods, aluminum in toothpaste and deodorant, chemicals, and other environmental factors, are adding to the calcification of our pineal gland.  The pineal gland produces serotonin, the hormone that regulates sleep.  Could it be that there is so much more Alzheimer’s and other mental illness because we are both sleep deprived and cut off from the spiritual realm at the third eye?  How have you been sleeping lately?  How is your memory?  These are the questions I am asking myself in search of the cause of what doctors have yet been able to heal.  

So, my attitude is I’d rather have sight in one eye than none, especially if that is my inner vision.  My eyes are healing perfectly, and I’m learning the lessons that I created this experience for.  The doctors cannot find the cause of my physical illness.  I think I will try to cleanse my body, mind and spirit.

When our ship comes in, we will be on it.

I recently bought a new road bicycle with the intention of paying a lot more attention to getting in shape. I had been envisioning taking my first long ride to the barbershop, which is about 5 miles away from my home. Once I finally got out on the road, there were some very steep downhill roads involved on the way to the barbershop. When I got to the top of the largest hill where it was the point of no return, I started to think about what it was going to take for me to get home. I wasn't sure that I had what it took to make it back up the hill, but I decided that if I had no guts, I would get no glory.  My mind was generating fear and self-doubt, but my spirit encouraged me to have faith.  I did not want to have a “should have; would have” story, so I listened to my spirit and went for it.

As it turned out, I found another way home that was much better then coming back up the hills. Accepting the personal challenge was a very satisfying accomplishment, and I'm glad I did not punk out.  I enjoy watching the adventure of life unfold.  So often I am amazed at what happens when I listen to, and act on my spirit and intuition.  My mind will filter my feelings with fear and judgment in order to color my thoughts and actions.  I've come to know that I'm responsible for putting energy into life, but the outcome is never guaranteed.  I have learned to accept that everything happens for a reason, and it is up to me to make the best out of everything that I manifest each moment.

For instance, I went to see the movie "Fruitvale Station" recently and was touched by the movie on many levels.  I saw myself, and then more profoundly, I saw my son in the life of Oscar Grant.  He is the young man that was shot to death by an Oakland police officer at the aforementioned Fruitvale train station.  Seeing the re-enactment of how that happened was painful enough, but the confluence of events that led up to his shooting was so easily identifiable that I felt like I had lost my own child when it was said and done.  I am emotionally affected even now as I write.  As parents, my wife and I were devastated by the reality that Oscar’s mother, in a well intentioned, fact based attempt to save her son from hurt, harm or danger, suggested that he and his friends take the train instead of drive on New Years eve.  In trying to evade a predictable, potentially negative outcome, Oscar ended up irrationally losing his life.

I’m sure Trayvon Martin’s parents, and the parents of so many of our youth who have been tragically harmed or killed in spite of our attempts as parents to protect them, constantly question what thing they could have said or done to create a reality different from the one the are living.  My wife and I immediately thought about how we are constantly trying to protect our kids and grandkids.  We are responsible for that effort, but as a father who has lost a child at birth, and a father to murder, I know that when the ship comes in, we will be on it.  Our task in life is to work towards the kind of emotional maturity that will allow us to have faith in the still small voice within, and acceptance of the infallibility of the law of karma, in spite of what we may think.  Apprehension based on facts is wise.  Fear is the source of much that ails us.  Love and faith can heal all.  We are all stars in the movie that is our lives.  Let’s play our roles as best we can, just for today.