Afraid to die, but scared to live?
by Reggie Smith
"Gave me the will to be free, purpose to live is reality; when I found myself never alone, chances came to make me strong". “Step right up and be a man, you need faith to understand. So I’m just saying, for you to hear; keep your head in faith’s atmosphere” ~ Head To The Sky
Earth, Wind and Fire
Every soul on this planet is here for a reason. Our choices in life create the situations that allow us the experiences we can learn from. Many would say that realizing "God" or spirit within is the goal of life. I think the process of living is like a movie where everyone is the star in his or her own movie, and everyone has an important role. We are all supporting actors and bit players in each others movie, and the show is always better when we play our roles to their fullest. Sometimes life is a comedy or a drama; sometimes it’s even a horror. Often it's easy to be intimidated by death waiting inevitably at the end of the show, but being afraid to live or die will not keep us from dying. It just keeps us from engaging the flow of life. It’s not easy being afraid to die, or scared to live.
We sometimes think we know how we would handle a life threatening or end of life situation, but you never really do until it happens to you. Since being diagnosed with AIDS in 1988, I have thought about dying often. For a part of my life I was paralyzed by the fear of death. I spent too much time being afraid to live, while preparing myself for death. In 2005, as a result of the stress of living in that limbo, I was put in hospice and considered close to dying. You know, we won't die until it’s our time, but that is something we need faith to understand. Money is important, but we can't take anything but love with us to the next level of existence. Knowing that, I appreciate life more fully, and have a better sense of the difference between my wants versus my needs. I want money, but I need to give and receive love. A big part of my purpose for living seems to have been helping others and searching for God within. Paradoxically, I've been blessed and all my needs have been met.
Many of us have loved and cared for great people who have surprised us by dying young. We never really know when we will go, but one thing is for sure; nobody is gonna get out of this thing alive! We say, “life is short” because we inherently know our lives hold immense potential and there always seems to be something left to do. Every soul has the responsibility to realize its own potential. Rumi, a 13th century poet, says “when you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.” I have had many jobs in my life, but nothing has ever been as joyous as doing something of service for another living soul. Also I have found, together we can do what I could never do alone. How many of us are blessed to be doing things from our souls, working with others in an effort to spread love?
Life's a journey to be taken one day at a time, or like a movie to be taken one scene at a time. Meditation is one way to find peace within, and even the act of seeking that peace helps eliminate the fear of death. When we lose the fear of death, we have life; and we have it more abundantly. Prayer and meditation has helped many of us find the courage to live, and have faith that everything always turns out right. Right and wrong may be relative, but it seems wrong not to give life our best effort. Nothing beats a failure but a try. I don't think I'll die today, so just for today I will try to have faith in someone who believes in me and wants to help me to spread love. Just for today, I will have the courage to do my best to love and help somebody. Thanks, in advance, for joining me in doing so. God loves you and so do I.
BE YOUR NOTE!
"God picks up the reed-flute world and blows.
Each note is a need coming through one of us, a passion, a longing pain.
Remember the lips where the wind breath originated, and let your note be clear.
Don't try to end it.
Be your note.
I'll show you when it's enough.
Go up on the roof at night, in this city of the soul.
Let everyone climb on their roofs and sing their notes!
Sing loud!" -Rumi
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“Surrender To Heal” - 7 Ways to Rise Above the Battlefield of Life - by Reggie Smith
“From The Crack House to the White House” - by Denise Stokes
“I’m Still Here” - by Venus Perez
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