Just because I am procrastinating doesn’t mean the situations in my life stop progressing. One of the most powerful things I have learned as a result of going through the torrential storms of addiction is that life is a one-day at a time proposition. I learned that addictions are a disease that is set off by exposure to whatever allergic substance or behavior one is addicted to. In my case it was nicotine, heroin and cocaine; but at the root, I was addicted to the fear of success, and to the search for love. The drugs helped me stay stuck in a feedback loop that grew in intensity no matter what I did. It was not until I was able to break the cycle of obsession and compulsion, and get into a program of positive action, was I able to begin living this wonderful life for the past 28 years. Even though I am not living in active addiction to drugs, the disease is still silently progressing in the background of my psyche, like King Kong doing push ups in jail. As long as I am in action patrolling “King Kong’s “cell to keep him imprisoned, I can keep that monkey off my back. If I stop moving too long, or make the wrong move (like using again), everybody is going to get hurt.
As usual, in my life the microcosm reflects the macrocosm. I mean, when I look at my life like it’s a movie I’m starring in, I observe the twists and turns in the plot. I see that the story is sometimes a comedy, sometimes a drama, tragedy, or thriller, but it is always an adventure. There is always a conversation going on in my head between my ego (mind) and my spirit (God). It seems like the same is happening in the world. There appears to be a battle between the good and evil. It is happening locally, nationally, and all around the world, and it has been going on since the beginning of time. In America, evil is manifesting as voter suppression, denial of women’s reproductive rights, and the perpetuation of poverty; disproportionate incarceration of minorities, and so many other obviously unfair practices. The political obstinacy that supports the devaluation of the human existence is behaving like King Kong unchained, and we have to find a way to get it back in the cage.
The good thing is that pain is often the greatest motivation for action and change. When we get sick and tired of being sick and tired, we are most liable to take the action steps necessary to change. Racism and classism are like addictions. Those outwardly ugly behaviors have been generally suppressed and “in recovery” for some time, but the election of President Obama has reignited the radical behavior of the insurgents (Conservatives). They are a minority, but their irrational actions are affecting the energy of the country and the world. In the balance of things, there is more good than evil in this world. Like addictive behavior, evil does not stop, even after it has been contained. Evil just continues to grow while waiting for its release. It does as much destruction as possible until it is subdued. It is easier to stay free than it is to get free. We should be vigilant personally and socially, and willing to do whatever necessary to keep the monkey in its cage and off of our backs.
We thought we had done all the marching necessary to realize the dream of equality for all, but obviously not. Sometimes it seems that marches are not enough, and in Syria, Egypt and so many other places in the world, that is tragically true. In Texas, North Carolina, Wisconsin, Michigan and so many states in America, King Kong is loose and wreaking havoc. HIV services for my brothers and sisters are being cut by virtue of inaction. As a result, everybody, except the greedy, are being hurt. On a personal level, I will take the positive action necessary to stay clean, on a social level, I am going to Washington D.C. on August 24th for the 50th anniversary of the March for Jobs and Freedom. Evil (King Kong) never dies, it just multiplies; but love heals all. So, I have to be vigilant in an effort to put that insurgent ape back in its cage before it destroys everything. I hope to see you there.